Denise is the third member from 'J.E.D.C' to cross to the 21 mark. I'm next! :D Anyway she had her party at Cineleisure's Preview Lounge, same as Nicole lah. It's really a nice place to have a party lah.. now it really makes me headache cos I am still considering a place for my 21st. WOW and she has many friends can.. mostly from her Uni. Her theme is 'Disneyland'. We're suppose to be in costumes transforming into Disneyland cartoon characters lah. But too bad we didn't really have time to go search and rent the costumes lah SORRY Denise. But I got to say her Uni friends are all damn 'ONZ' cos they all are in costumes walking around.. supporting her fully lah can. But Jane and I did contribute also hor.. we're the receptionists :D Really hope she had fun. But I know its tiring to host a party.. especially when there is SO MANY people around to entertain. I will update on my 21st party the details soon ((:

OKAY now I realised that I am going to the same pub every friday night for usual happy hour. HAHA but the place is fun. And we know the boss.. so we sing more.. play pool for free.. drinks are cheaper for us.. this is damn awesome. :D

And I have successfully pass my course. I am officially a deployable sailor. Damn Im proud of myself. But there's many more things for me to learn on board the ship. Im still a Junior sailor. I will certainly do my best. But its only sometimes I feel motivated. The thoughts of going home daily occasionally makes me hate navy life. But I will try to get over it like ASAP lol.

Yes we laugh, joke, giggle, push each other around, eating all the while, making fun of people who walk past, shop like we first time out on streets.. haha.. this is our common hobbies which also makes us the best friends of all. :D

I feel so.. over happy right now. Because Friday is the last day of my OJT.. which also means I will be a posted crew on board soon! And my ship is probably coming back Wednesday or Thursday morning. I can't wait to see my ship crews. I miss them! :D

And tmr is Changi day. I am so going back there to see old friends and instructors. But got test anyway. Don't think I will fail. God bless lol.

SLEEP!

One more week and everything gonna turn better. Easier life. Easier job. Just a little I will be that delightful and grateful about it.

Dinner with Syimah at T2's Fish&Co. Ate Seafood Platter which makes us damn bloated. Yea we talked quite a lot.

I asked:
"How sure are you that you won't sacrifice everything.. for the one you love.. .."

Even me myself I cannot explain. I cannot confirm. I cannot tell. I just know sometimes certain things may really become that important you cannot lose. You never know what will happen next. Or what you may do can be rational or even shocking. Just trust yourself and do what you know is good for you.. for you can blame no one cos you made the decision yourself. Bear consequences and face them ((:

Monday was my first day onboard other people's ship. I was like a total idiot sitting down at the multi purpose room waiting for someone to come take me in wtf. And I didn't know anyone there. I nearly died on the spot. Anyway that fine Monday was duty day. So I spent my night there sleeping, mugging and prowling all the ships. It was excruciating because I didn't had enough sleep. Well what comes the next day lagi best.. I have SAILING! So the same old things happen during sailing..

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OKAY so I back today. Tmr they're sailing again but not me. I am going to stay at the base to do my own stuffs. There's some exam next Tuesday CB! I have to mug for it can.. cos I don't really expect myself to fail anyway. This weekend is mine.. FINALLY. :D

Okay so I waited for that miracle I can follow my ship to Tioman. Eventually I am at home blogging now so means I am not sailing with them. I feel damn emo wtf. Just manage to settle down with my ship crews and then now I am left to attach to another ship, when they are away. 8 days of inhabiting in a foreign place. I seriously do not know what to expect. God bless me. ROARS!

Anyway since I am not sailing off, Kayden aka my slut asked me out for drink last night. HAHA! Let me introduce her.. she's someone who only drink beer.. so we all call her 'BEER GIRL'. She is quite scary when she's high on BEER, not to mention those things she may do or say when she is DRUNK lol. Sometimes we prefer to address each other by the name of private parts like PUSSY and DICK heh! It's how we communicate lol. I had fun drinking and singing.. though I was super tired.. nowadays my eyes will start to close when the clock strikes 10pm?!!!! CB.

Im feeling very vexed up now. Seriously I dunno why is it always me. I should be the one going. Just because of a stupid passport it costs me chance to go out explore and experience. How depressing can it be?! I want it more than the other guy. But he is going. Im not. Thats the bottom line. wtf. I wonder how is it like to reside in some other people's ship for 8 days. :(

I'm going sailing at 3am. BYE.
I always don't have a choice.
And I don't stand a chance to shine.
fuckup.

Survived a week. Sometimes I am still wondering if changing to a different ship is a good or bad thing for me. Both ships have their own good and bad stuffs. I can't explain. Cos seriously I am still full of doubts myself. Doubting everything.. including myself.

A very pressurize and stress week for me. There's just too much things for me to learn and memorise during this one month. I know I should not look down on myself but I just am not sure if I am capable of completing every tasks given during this one month. I am so tired. So exhausted. So sleepy. So moody. So feel like crying.

I don't see myself giving up yet. I don't take short cuts. I don't boot lick. I don't try to run away when I know there's tons of shit stuffs for me to do - like mops the decks and wash the plates. WHY?! Cos I know Im a fucking regular and this is my career. I mean this is only the beginning. Just this one month.. I need to tell myself to push to my limits. But sometimes my brain just can't do much anymore when I am stuffed with so much new info to me.

Nevertheless I will try to keep reminding myself that I will not let down those who pin high hopes and expectations on me. I wanna do well.