this is the first day of the last week for my year one...
haix...
gonna miss the class...
especially jane, denise carney they all lor...
sadded... =(
but then i am sure they will still keep in close contact with me...
hope they will lah...
LoL...
today de class is computing...
then like the problem is like so lame today lah...
so easy lor...
like primary school de maths sia...
then first breakout finish everything liao...
went out for lunch...
with jane and denise... =)
eat N.Y.D.C ...
but then the food sucks lah...
so yucky...
i ate the sirloin steak...
with the dunno wad mushroom sauce...
people's mushroom sauce so nice...
theirs like dunno wad combination lah...
eat liao feel like puking...
but then the journey there was fun...
wahahahahaha...
it makes me forget everything...
then went to see handphone...
cos she lost hers mah...
then need to buy a new one...
she now using her mum's lor... -_-'''
then cannot use too long also mah...
cos her mum also NEEDS it...
think she going to buy today...
maybe buy already...
cos her mum's birthday...
then going out the dad say buy her the phone today...
yay!!!!
tmr i got new phone to play liao...
think she buying W800i...
Wahahahahaha...
good phone sia...
but then she buying without contract...
and it costs tons lah...
nvr mind she rich...

tmr is tuesday...
think going training...
PT!!!!!
too long no have PT then like no stamina...
then feel like very weak...
LOL...
rene going with me too...
hope so lah...
don last min ps... =p
but then she still sick...
hope by tmr is okay liao then can go running!!! =)
tuesday = cognitive...
OMG!!!!
ada's class...
haix...
i hope it will not be a boring and lame one...
since this is the last lesson...
hope she brings something new and interesting...
i yearn for it lah...

i love them... they brought me joy... no worries... just pure happiness!!! =)

jane!!!!
haix...
she so ke lian...
how i wish i can...
eh eh eh...
no...!~
wahahahaha...
i was just kidding...
she lost her phone AGAIN...
omg lah...
she is careless lah...
but then no choice mah...
also not her fault...
bu xiao xin drop on taxi...
didn't realise also...
feel very sad for her also...
one semester lost 2 phones...
WAH...!
if i am her i cry like siao le...
but she nvr leh...
just disappointed in herself...
hope she don blame herself anymore...
today she suay till cannot...
morning go cafe buy hot milo tgt...
then uncle spill the HOT milo onto her lah!...
then her whole skirt kanna...
leg got kanna a bit...
later she not pain...
then just now in class she looks so lost lah...
worried for her seeing her like dis...
haix...
don sad! =)
maybe if she needs a phone i can lend her...
i got MANY MANY at the moment...
LOL... !!!

haix...
jas no come school today...
serene wanna noe why also...
i also...
so i ask her to sms lo...
at least noe nothing happen can le...
rene like bu shuang till very jia lat lor...
=.='''
i dunno how sia..
sian...
hope jas realli find happiness...
and hope she can hold on to her choice bahz...
her first relaitionship...
all da best to her...

it's so different...
it's so weird...
i don hate her...
i don detest her...
i don blame her...
somehow i just don feel like seeing her for the time being...
maybe because...
i feel that even if i see her...
i won't noe wad to say...
i don know how to react...
i don know how to be myself...
i won't be truthful...
tok to serene ytd night...
at central till 11pm plus lor... =.='''
we chat on everything...
especially on things dat happened recently...
unhappy things...
happy things...
i am glad that now me and serene are better than last time...
i feel much open to her...
and she to me too... =)

pon school today too...
after the understanding test...
quite a easy test compared to the past tests...
culture mah..
one of my strongest module...
so i think i can handle...
me, denise and jane pon school go eat Mac breakfast...
then went to K box sing...
sing K Lunch...
and like bloated lah...
keep eating sia...
FATTENING...
especially for jane...
wahahahahahaha... =X
after singing it's about 2pm le...
then rene also pon and went singing with her classmates...
then i meet her...
cos she wanna sell her 7610 phone mah...
so i pei her lor...
since i nothing on also...
after selling the phone...
we walked around...
eventually ended up at Mos Burger again...
like last night...
we bought drinks...
we tok again...
but this time we didn't mention much of the things we chatted ytd...
i think we both felt a tiredness le...
don feel like toking about it...
discussing much of it won't change anything...
and i remember telling rene...
that i don wanna comment much about jas de thing...
cos...
it will make me feel like a hypocrite seh...
people don want me...
then i say the person's bad stuffs...
no no no...
i am good boi...
and i have nothing to say also...
realli nothing much i can speak about...
i have in no status to comment or say anything...
i can only accept it the way it is now...
though i am sad...
but since she is happy...
i feel happy for her too...
her longing for a realistic life with a bf came true...
blessings is the thing i can give her now...
nothing else...
blame me for my uselessness...
but...
yupx...
dat's all i can do...
jia you...
jia you...
jia you...
:)

a normal life...
a normal guy...
yearns for a normal gal...
but everything seems so impossible...
destined...
cursed...
fated...
to be alone...

friends come and go...
it's part and parcel of life...
will get used to it de...
i will be forgotten soon...
i will be alone...
back to my mornal days...
singing alone...
eating alone...
watching tv alone...
it's fine...
i accept it...

everything's over...
good luck...
my warmest blessings...
holidays coming...
just at the right time...
i shall lock myself away...
i am tired...

everything's a mistake...
a mistake dat will plunge me into the dark...
a mistake dat will bring my out of my boundary...
a mistake dat will make me lose my everything...
my laughter...
my smile...
i'm alone...
i'm on my own...
holidays nearing...
i shall not bother about other things...
i shall not think about anything...
i shall just work and work and work...
frustrated life...
F**ked up life...

dunno why...
just very lost...
dunno wad to do...!
how should i react...
how should i present myself?...
show my true self...
or the happy side i always present to others...
i am not happy inside...
this is the truth...

don wanna do anything...
don wanna think of anything...
stress? NO!
pressure? NO!
i dunno wad i want to do...
and i dunno wad should i do...
sit and wait...
everyone says so...
impatient...
moody...
everyday life...
it SUCK...

they make me happy...
they take my troubles away...
i can enjoy...
i can be free...
i can be who i am...
as in...
i can communicate with them...
tell them secrets...
talk gossips...
no pressure...
wanna chgn class le then now so good...
hais...
how i wish this time don chgn class...
now so close with them le...
scared chgn class then forget about each other liao...
don want!
sadded...
but nvr mind...
at least now we enjoyed every single moment we spent tgt...
pon school...
then have fun outside...
talk and laugh...
play and smile... =)

rene going back to her old self...
i will not try to pull her back again...
cos she needs to cool down...
and set her thoughts right first...
time bahz...
time is what she needs...
and also wad i need most now...
am i destined to be curse under the spell of love.?
i have waited keenly for so long...
nothing positive come thru me...
it suck....
i have no confidence at all...
every other people to me seem stronger..
and tougher...
am i a weakling?
no one will appreciates me...
i don wan friends...
i rather not...
because i am afraid of having too close friends...
and i treat them differently...
rejection is wad i hated and scared of most...
i don wan to get hurt again...
but truth always hurt...
wad should i do...
i wanna leave...
i wanna be alone i wish...
it's me...
my problem...
my love world...
my emotions...
i am just too weak...
i can love...
but can't get love...
waiting and waiting...
everytime when i thought i've found someone...
it's just not her...
because it just seem so unlucky for me...
i want no more of dis...
all i want is a simple life...
with someone i will love and care for...
how i wish...
maybe in my next life bahz...

no mood...
simply that...
no mood day for me...
stupid science facilitator...
stupid problem for the day...
thus i ends up pon-ing school...
went to bugis for movie...
with denise, jane and carney...
four buddies from the class =)
at least i feel better going out with them...
at least i noe they are true to me...
at least i noe they are fun and i can have fun with them too...
i won't feel so stress...
no problems...
no worries...
ytd night began thinking again...
deep thoughts...
scanning thru my mind...
wad i am thinking...
wad i wanna do next...
confusion...
sadness...
i have something but can't get it...
i want something it's just so far away from me...
'love' to me suck...
it doesn't come to me positively...
it ends with me bitterly...
i wanna end all this...
i want a full stop and a halt to all these sadness...
torture?...
no...
it's my fate...
i am destined to stay alone...
friends will leave...
the people i care will leave...
the people i love will leave...
i am always alone...
and always unloved...

happy yet sad...
i dunno who i am...
i dunno wad to do...
someone pls help me...
i wanna cry...
i want to have someone by my side...
i'm just me...
no one encourages...
no one love...
no one sees...
Sucky life...
i wanna leave this sadden place...
it will just make me heart-broken again...
but i'm to blame...
i'm just too gullible to think that i can get it...
but i always don..
zero confidence...
zero luck...
stupid me...!!!

this is the first time i spent so much on a gal...
i mean...
on a single day...
for a single person...
on a single night...
in an single occasion...
=.='''

but then i don feel heartache for my $$$ leh...
eh... WEIRD...
WAHAHAHAHAHA... =p
tmr's Valentine's...
no partner...
at least have someone to pei... =)
and i'm happy to have that person to pei also...
good good...
let's hope tmr is an enjoyable and memorable day...
*cheers* to myself... =D

dark...
alone...
sadness...
appeared right in my eyes...
let nature takes its course?
=S

weird feelings...
mixed feelings...
i wish her all da best bah...
i've got no confidence...
is it possible?...
nah...
no i think...
friends always stay as friends...
will it be different this time?...
=(

i knew it all along...
even without someone telling me...
it's so obvious...
so many things i was kept in the dark...
as a friend...
i asked...
i TRIED...
but there's always an excuse to skip those conversation...
and in turn it became my fault...
and the problem is i cannot accept the way it is...
just my opinion...
maybe i suck having this kinda thinking...
but too bad it's my mindset...

saturday going sentosa lor...
yay!!!!!
got sand...
got fun...
got water...
got sun...
can tan!!!!
hurray... =)